双语幽默两则

沪西人家

Gardening Gloves  
For months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an allergy to gold. On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions. I held my hands up and said, "Well, you'll notice that my hands are bare."  
4 z( p2 |3 S8 G; ~; R6 f' ^1 TLater that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm. "Happy birthday," he said, as I unwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves.
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园艺手套
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: I% E8 M) n$ \0 F几个月以来，我一直在向丈夫暗示我需要一枚新的结婚戒指，因为我对黄金有点过敏。生日那天，我正在干园艺活时，丈夫问我想要什么礼物。我举起双手说：“嗯，你肯定看到了，我的两手都是光光的。”  那天晚上，我满怀热情地拆开了丈夫送的礼物。“生日快乐！”他说。我打开一看：里面包着一双园艺手套。
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What's your name?  
A very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had to train.He had never seen them before,so he began:"My name is Stone,and I'm even harder than stone,so do what I tell you or there'll be trouble.Don't try any tricks with me ,and then we'll get on well together"  
Then he went to each soldier one after another and asked him his name."Speak loudly so that everyone can hear you clearly,"He said,"and don't forget to call me 'sir'".  
; R7 O/ n/ m% M' w  @* LEach soldier told him his name,unitl he came to the last one.This man remained silent,and so Captain Stone shouted at him,"When I ask you a question,answer it!I'll ask you again:What's you name,soldier?"  
& l' i4 _( P& A. rThe soldier was very unhappy,but at last he replied."My name is Stonebreaker,sir"he said nervously.  
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) p- o. Z7 ]& M4 R; |你叫什么名字？

, ^- w6 \. c: s. v/ y" i有一位很严厉的军官在对一群交由他训练的新兵训话。他以前从没见过这群新兵，于是他开始自我介绍：“我的名字叫Stone(石头)，事实上，我甚至比石头更强硬。这就是我为什么要告诉你们我名字的原因。不要试图对我玩什么花招，这样我们就能很好相处了。”  
接着他开始走到每个士兵前面问他们的名字。“说大声点，让每个人都能听清楚。另外，不要忘记称呼我为长官。”他说。

每个士兵都对他说了自已的名字。他走到最后一位士兵面前时，这个士兵保持着沉默。于是Stone队长对他喊叫，“当我问你问题的时候，要回答！我再问一遍，你的名字，士兵？”  
那个新兵很不高兴，但最后他回答了。“我的名字是Stonebreaker(碎石机)，长官。”他紧张的说。