双语幽默两则

沪西人家

Gardening Gloves  
For months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an allergy to gold. On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions. I held my hands up and said, "Well, you'll notice that my hands are bare."  
Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm. "Happy birthday," he said, as I unwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves.
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园艺手套

几个月以来，我一直在向丈夫暗示我需要一枚新的结婚戒指，因为我对黄金有点过敏。生日那天，我正在干园艺活时，丈夫问我想要什么礼物。我举起双手说：“嗯，你肯定看到了，我的两手都是光光的。”  那天晚上，我满怀热情地拆开了丈夫送的礼物。“生日快乐！”他说。我打开一看：里面包着一双园艺手套。
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What's your name?  
) ?: F  M" Z+ J! z3 D5 N  RA very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had to train.He had never seen them before,so he began:"My name is Stone,and I'm even harder than stone,so do what I tell you or there'll be trouble.Don't try any tricks with me ,and then we'll get on well together"  
. @2 x% F9 W+ H- ?6 RThen he went to each soldier one after another and asked him his name."Speak loudly so that everyone can hear you clearly,"He said,"and don't forget to call me 'sir'".  
2 R( g4 s7 g( E3 b- rEach soldier told him his name,unitl he came to the last one.This man remained silent,and so Captain Stone shouted at him,"When I ask you a question,answer it!I'll ask you again:What's you name,soldier?"  
The soldier was very unhappy,but at last he replied."My name is Stonebreaker,sir"he said nervously.  

) n" I- O/ z* C5 Z* {+ m你叫什么名字？
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有一位很严厉的军官在对一群交由他训练的新兵训话。他以前从没见过这群新兵，于是他开始自我介绍：“我的名字叫Stone(石头)，事实上，我甚至比石头更强硬。这就是我为什么要告诉你们我名字的原因。不要试图对我玩什么花招，这样我们就能很好相处了。”  
; S- d& v/ H% i7 T9 |$ }; o, ]8 O接着他开始走到每个士兵前面问他们的名字。“说大声点，让每个人都能听清楚。另外，不要忘记称呼我为长官。”他说。

每个士兵都对他说了自已的名字。他走到最后一位士兵面前时，这个士兵保持着沉默。于是Stone队长对他喊叫，“当我问你问题的时候，要回答！我再问一遍，你的名字，士兵？”  
那个新兵很不高兴，但最后他回答了。“我的名字是Stonebreaker(碎石机)，长官。”他紧张的说。